I'll never forget my first team meeting as a manager.

There I was, sitting at the head of the table, same conference room where I'd spent two years cracking jokes and dodging the burnt coffee - and the silence was deafening.

My mate Dave, who'd literally taught me half of what I knew about our systems, suddenly found his notebook fascinating. Sarah, whom I'd shared a thousand lunch breaks with, was staring at the wall like it held the secrets of the universe.

I'd prepared a brilliant opening line, something about "still being the same person, just with more admin." Nobody laughed. That's when it hit me: I wasn't the same person anymore. At least, not to them.

If you've just stepped into your first management role, congratulations - and also, I'm sorry.

Because what you're about to experience is one of the most disorienting professional transitions you'll ever make. And here's the thing nobody mentions in those "So You're a New Manager!" training sessions: the skills that got you promoted are barely relevant to the job you've just landed.

The Brutal Truth About First-Time Management

That promotion you worked so hard for? It's also created an immediate problem you probably didn't anticipate.

Somewhere in your team, there's likely someone who wanted your job. Perhaps they interviewed for it. Perhaps they assumed it was theirs. And now they're sitting in your meetings, working through a cocktail of disappointment and resentment whilst you're trying to establish credibility.

I learned this the hard way when I discovered - three months too late - that one of my team members had been quietly undermining my decisions in side conversations. The awkwardness I'd tried to ignore by being relentlessly cheerful had metastasised into something far more damaging. Address the elephant in the room early, or watch it trample your authority later.

The One-to-One Trap

Here's a test: how many times have you already thought about cancelling your one-to-ones because you're "too busy"? If the answer is anything other than zero, we need to talk.

One-to-ones feel like a luxury when you're drowning in urgent tasks. They're not. They're the foundation of everything else you're trying to build. Skip them once, and your team notices. Skip them twice, and they stop believing you actually care about their development. Skip them three times, and you've essentially told them they're on their own.

The best managers I ever worked for treated our one-to-ones as sacred. Not because they were particularly warm or fuzzy people - some weren't - but because they understood that consistency signals intent. Your team needs to know you'll show up, even when it's inconvenient. Especially when it's inconvenient.

The Popularity Contest You Can't Win

I spent my first six months as a manager trying to be everyone's favourite person. I'd been mates with these people. I wanted to keep being mates with these people. So I made soft decisions, avoided difficult conversations, and generally acted like someone running for office rather than running a team.

The result? Nobody respected me.

Your job isn't to be liked. It's to create an environment where your team can do their best work, which sometimes means making decisions that disappoint people. The manager who tries to please everyone ends up being trusted by no one. Make the hard call when it matters, even if it's unpopular. Respect and popularity are entirely different currencies, and only one of them is worth collecting.

The Delegation Paradox

"If you want something done right, do it yourself." Whoever said that was definitely not a manager. Or at least, not a good one.

I spent my first year as a manager hoarding tasks like a corporate squirrel preparing for winter. Why? Because I could do them faster. Because I knew they'd be done properly. Because delegating felt like creating more work for myself, not less.

This is catastrophic thinking.

Your job has fundamentally changed. You're no longer being paid to be the best individual contributor. You're being paid to build a team of capable people who can eventually do things better than you can.

Every task you refuse to delegate is a missed opportunity to develop someone else's capability. Yes, it's slower in the short term. Yes, it requires more oversight initially. But the alternative is becoming a bottleneck for your entire team whilst simultaneously ensuring they never grow.

The Weight of Your Words

As a team member, you could make throwaway comments. You could speculate. You could think out loud about potential changes without triggering a minor panic.

As a manager, those days are over.

Everything you say now gets analysed, interpreted, and often wildly misunderstood.

That offhand remark about "maybe we should rethink the project structure"? Three people have already updated their CVs. The joke you made about budget cuts? Someone's cancelling their holiday plans.

Your words carry weight now, whether you intend them to or not. This doesn't mean you need to speak in corporate platitudes, but it does mean you need to think before you speak. Every. Single. Time.

The Feedback You're Avoiding

I might guess that there's a difficult conversation you've been putting off. Someone's performance isn't quite there. Their attitude's been off. They're consistently late, or consistently negative, or consistently just... not quite right.

And you're avoiding it because you're worried about being "that manager." The one who's harsh, or demanding, or not understanding enough.

Stop. Avoiding difficult conversations doesn't make you kind - it makes you complicit in mediocrity. That team member deserves to know where they stand. More importantly, the rest of your team is watching to see if you'll address the problem or pretend it doesn't exist.

The best feedback I ever received came from a manager who told me, with zero ambiguity, that my presentation skills were holding me back. It stung. But it also gave me something concrete to work on, and ultimately changed my career trajectory. Your team needs your honesty, even when it's uncomfortable.

The Loneliness You Didn't Expect

Here's something nobody prepares you for: the isolation.

You can't vent to your team anymore. You can't process your frustrations with your manager the way you used to. You're stuck in this strange middle layer where you're managing down whilst being managed up, and both feel equally exhausting.

Find peer managers. Build relationships with other people navigating this transition. Create spaces where you can be honest about the struggles without worrying about political fallout. Every single one of them is dealing with the same challenges, the same doubts, the same midnight panics about whether they're completely out of their depth.

You're not alone in feeling alone. And that matters more than you might think.

Your Action Plan

This Week:

• Schedule (and protect) all your one-to-ones for the next month

• Have one difficult conversation you've been avoiding

• Identify one task you can delegate this week, even if it's uncomfortable

This Month:

• Build relationships with three peer managers for mutual support

• Ask your team directly: "What's one thing I could do differently as a manager?"

• Review your calendar: are you spending more time doing or enabling?

This Quarter:

• Establish clear performance standards for your team

• Create a personal development plan (yes, for yourself)

• Build a feedback routine that works for your team's needs

Being promoted into management doesn't come with a manual, and most organisations provide training that's about as useful as a chocolate teapot. But you're already ahead by acknowledging that the transition is difficult. The managers who struggle the most are the ones who pretend it's easy.

It gets better. You'll find your rhythm. You'll develop your own style. And one day, you'll be sitting across from a nervous new manager who's just been promoted, and you'll recognise that look in their eyes because you've been there yourself.

Keep on rockin',

Harvey