Last month, I found myself in a rather familiar position - sat across from Tom, a brilliant marketing manager who'd just handed in his notice. He was eager to "make a difference" with his exit interview feedback, convinced this was his chance to help fix the toxic culture that had driven him away.

"I'm going to tell them exactly what's wrong," he said, eyes bright with purpose. "Maybe I can help the next person."

I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth then. But I'm telling you now.

After three decades of sitting on both sides of that table - as the interviewer, the observer, and the executive receiving those carefully sanitised reports - I've witnessed one of corporate life's most elaborate pieces of theatre.

And it's time we pulled back the curtain.

The Brutal Reality About Exit Interviews

Here's what no one wants to admit: exit interviews aren't designed to create change. They're designed to manage risk.

Companies don't use them to identify problems - they already know what's broken. HR has seen the same patterns repeating for years. Your carefully crafted feedback will join a file of identical complaints that gather digital dust whilst nothing changes.

The "confidential" promise? Corporate fiction at its finest. Your boss receives a sanitised summary within 48 hours, and anything remotely inflammatory gets flagged to legal faster than you can say "constructive dismissal."

Every word you utter gets filtered through liability concerns. Your honest feedback about that toxic manager becomes their risk assessment. Your passionate plea for cultural change transforms into documentation that they "gave you a chance to raise concerns."

What Actually Happens to Your Feedback

The patterns are depressingly predictable:

Toxic manager mentioned? Filed under "personality conflict." Said manager gets some coaching (translation: a gentle chat about "communication styles") whilst continuing to terrorise the next victim.

Systemic culture issues raised? Noted as "individual perception." Unless ten or more people say precisely the same thing, it's dismissed as one person's skewed viewpoint.

Compensation concerns shared? The "market competitive" response gets dusted off whilst salary bands remain stubbornly unchanged.

Workload complaints documented? A "resource planning" note gets added to someone's to-do list. Your replacement inherits the same impossible mountain of tasks.

I've watched this charade play out for decades. The same toxic leaders remain untouchable. The same broken processes grind on. The same culture problems persist. All meticulously documented, never addressed.

The Real Purpose: Legal Theatre

Exit interviews exist to tick boxes:

• Confirm you won't sue them ✅

• Gauge whether you'll badmouth them publicly ✅

• Document that they "tried" to listen ✅

• Make HR appear proactive to senior leadership ✅

It's risk management dressed up as employee engagement. Pure theatre designed to protect the company, not improve it.

Your Better Options

Skip the performance entirely: Keep it brief and professional. "Seeking new opportunities" tells them everything they need to know without wasting your emotional energy.

Or use it strategically: If you must engage, focus on one specific, fixable issue. Offer concrete solutions. But go in with zero expectations of actual change.

The companies worth working for don't need exit interviews to identify problems - they fix issues whilst people are still there to benefit from the solutions.

Where Real Change Happens

The authentic exit interview happens elsewhere:

• On Glassdoor reviews that future candidates actually read

• In recruitment struggles, when word spreads about toxic cultures

• Through the stories ex-employees share at industry events

• In the whispered warnings passed between professional networks

These conversations carry real weight because they reach the audiences that matter: potential employees, customers, and investors who can vote with their feet and wallets.

The Irony of "Continuous Improvement"

Companies obsess over continuous improvement in their products and processes, yet when it comes to the most critical element - their people and culture - they're content with elaborate documentation exercises that change nothing.

They'll spend millions on consultants to optimise workflows whilst ignoring the toxic manager who's cost them dozens of talented employees. They'll implement sophisticated feedback systems for customer complaints whilst treating employee concerns as legal liabilities to be managed rather than problems to be solved.

It's the corporate equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic whilst the iceberg approaches.

What This Means for You

Your exit interview isn't your responsibility to fix a broken culture. You've already paid your dues by enduring the dysfunction long enough to reach breaking point.

The best revenge? Building a brilliant career elsewhere whilst they struggle to explain why they can't retain talent.

Save your energy for your next role. Channel that passion for change into finding an organisation that values feedback whilst people are still there to benefit from improvements.

Your Action Plan

Before your exit interview:

• Decide whether engaging serves any purpose for you personally

• If you choose to participate, prepare one specific, actionable piece of feedback

• Keep expectations at absolute zero regarding actual change

Focus your energy instead on:

• Crafting honest but professional reviews on employer rating sites

• Building relationships with former colleagues who might warn others

• Sharing experiences with your professional network when appropriate

• Learning from the experience to better evaluate future employers

When evaluating new opportunities:

• Ask detailed questions about how they handle feedback

• Request to speak with recent joiners and leavers

• Look for evidence of actual cultural changes, not just policies

• Trust your instincts about leadership behaviour during the interview process

The most powerful statement you can make isn't in an exit interview room - it's building a successful career somewhere that actually values your contributions.

Remember: you're not leaving to fix them. You're leaving to fix your own situation. That's not selfish - that's sensible.

A Free Gift For You 🎁

It’s my birthday this week, and call me old-fashioned, but I’m in the giving mood.
Meetings cost money - and sometimes drain your emotional bank account. That’s why I created a Meeting Audit Template. I’m sharing it with you first, before posting it on LinkedIn.

👉 Grab your copy here. (Click ‘Duplicate’ in the top right to make your own editable version.)

Want a free 30-minute consultation with me?
If you can guess my age, just hit reply and send in your guess. I read every reply.

I’ll reach out to the winner(s) only.
Good luck! 🎲